Surprises...

The diary of secrets

Today I learned that the candle doesn't burn stiff and still..that nothing lasts forever ...even the flame ends at a certain point and it takes a special lighter to bring her back to life...
Everything ends and it doesn't actually have a happy ending ..A kiss,a song,a story,a vow, a promise,a feeling...everything ends far too fast and you are dragged back to reality..YOUR cruel reality..
I guess sometimes it's ok to forget...to move on but when you're the one forgotten it doesn't feel the same...it was part of you for a while...for a while you cared ...and you feel that your inside is being powdered with salt and you're supposed to ignore the pain and pretend to be happy because you had your chance and you didn't take it....but yet you can't accept it...The wind carries the ashes away..remaining just an empty space ...you simply know that you can't fill it..There's no going back..but I'll always ask myself:"What happened here?"I hope your wishes upon the falling stars come true..And yet...you'll never know that you meant more than just a summer love that ended before it even started properly..Yet I'll always be there for you..even in the shadow

Never here..

Nonsens..no drama..not hatred...no feelings...no immortality...not joy...not even a soul that can menace your peace ..your thoughts..just a few sorrows that come once in a while to remember... of who you used to be,what you used to have ,the moments that ended too soon and you didn't get the chance to appreciate them at their true value....And it's funny that in a second we are here...and within a glance we are gone...as if we were never here..you didn't exist ..you are just a memory in someone's heart ..wasted ..forgotten you will remain a shadow ...

Can you hear them?

Can you hear them?Can you feel them?they're here..a step ahead..but here..near to us..This feeling of grace, joy, luxury, glamour...of trying to be better..to please everyone...the warmth from your heart  to embrace the whole world..to make everyone as happy as you are...But during this period I can't help it..not to think of the poor..who just have eachother instead of all thease  extravagances..who are simply praying   for something to eat and a warm bed...and it keeps bothering me...that maybe I have too many things that I don't deserve ..because God...I can be soooo self-centred sometimes...How about thouse  little children at the orphanage..I mean they have  no one...lonely in this world..with no one to wipe your tears..no one to hold you in his arm and promise you that everything is going to be alright..no loving  parents...not a huge Christmas tree..no presents..nothing at all...how can they survive?I couldn't survive without the ones I love...especially my parents ...i couldn't live without them...And you know this year I made a lot of mistakes..and honestly in  this holidays I can hear a loud noise...a thing menacing  my peace-Sadness....Sadness because i am so ungrateful for everything and i don't value things as  i should...i take everything for granted and it's unfair...everyone should  have  their dreams and wishes fulfilled for Christmas..for everyone to believe  in magic,in miracles....but we don't live in fairytales...Christmas lost its meaning for others because of their disgrace...

Excuses

Sitting there...in a lonely corner...watching..staring...analyzing..no one knowing your true reasons..your true story...not even being noticed ..or being noticed but ignored...watching them..with a big sorrow in your heart..with your eyes filled with tears...just thinking..looking at something..but in fact at nothing..Sadness??-no,no,  not actually...fear maybe...rejection...trying to understand your actions, your thoughts,your reactions...how come we don't appreciate the people that deserve it?why don't we stand for what we want?how come we know the results before we do the actions?how come i'm always failing in every aspect of my life?how ome i never succed in anything?how come i only make mistakes?how come i only follow the result instead of the way?how come i never make it?no matter how hard i try....i simply want to scream..but the echo is not loud enough to be heard

Facts

A certain anxiety will anguish you making you feel that your heart has been splashed with white wine..as if your thoughts are out-of-control...powdered with drains of shadows ..menacing your ironic way of seeing things...they're like in a thick fog and when you feel you get closer "pooff" they vanish into thin air...remaining just a second the question:"what if..?" and yes..i do feel misunderstood..because everyone has expectations..tones of expectations..to be PERFECT.to never  be wrong..never  have a bad day..never get angry ..never be mad..always be kind ,patient,loving....damn society

Desires

i know maybe it will sound like a clishee but everyone of us has a strong desire and a weak point deep down in their soul...we just need to dig deep enough to see it..to open the burried treasure and see what gotta see..not what you hope to find....Fear..that's my biggest drawback..the fear of failure...the fear of making mistakes...fear of hatred..fear of pain....I just can't say it outloud...that i'm afraid of making the same mistakes over and over again....At this certain point i feel lost....i can't distinguish between good and bad...right or wrong...it's hilarious that i'm soo good whith theory but i'm the worst in practising ..i can't show my feelings ....i can't even handle all this drama..i don't even know wich path to take....What's the right way?I am lost....like i've never been before...Trapped in this labyrinth of hopes dreams and faith

The way to succeed..

-E.E. Cummings once wrote: 'To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.'